Breaking the Chains of Betrayal: How to Heal What Broke You and Stop Hurting Who Loves You
The episode centers on the profound exploration of the underlying reasons that compel individuals to engage in acts of infidelity, despite professing love for their partners. We delve into the intricate dynamics of self-sabotage, revealing that the propensity to betray is not merely a reflection of a lack of affection but rather an indication of deeper issues related to personal identity and self-worth. I assert that many individuals, ensnared in cycles of deceit, are grappling with unresolved traumas and a pervasive sense of inadequacy, leading to maladaptive behaviors that ultimately undermine their cherished relationships. By examining poignant narratives and integrating scriptural insights, we illuminate the necessity of confronting one's past wounds and embracing a new identity rooted in divine truth. Join us as we unveil strategies designed to foster healing and transformation, enabling individuals to break free from destructive patterns and cultivate genuine love and commitment.
The podcast episode presents a thought-provoking analysis of the intricate relationship between infidelity and personal identity, challenging the listener to confront uncomfortable truths about their own behaviors and motivations. The host, Malden Mitchell, articulates a compelling narrative that suggests the act of cheating is not merely a betrayal of trust but a reflection of deeper issues rooted in one's self-perception and emotional health. Drawing on statistics and personal anecdotes, Mitchell illuminates the paradox of men who profess love for their partners yet engage in behaviors that undermine those very relationships. This juxtaposition serves as a powerful reminder of the necessity for introspection and the importance of addressing the root causes of infidelity, which often stem from unresolved trauma and a crisis of identity.
Through the poignant story of 'Marcus,' a man grappling with the consequences of his infidelity, the episode invites listeners to examine their own lives and the motivations behind their actions. Marcus's struggles epitomize the internal battles many face; his journey from self-sabotage to self-awareness underscores the critical need for emotional maturity and spiritual growth. Mitchell emphasizes that the path to healing involves not only recognizing the destructive patterns of behavior but also understanding one's identity in Christ. This spiritual perspective provides a framework for overcoming the cycle of betrayal, urging listeners to embrace their true worth and seek a deeper connection with God.
In conclusion, the episode serves as a clarion call for men to reassess their lives and relationships, advocating for a transformative approach to overcoming infidelity. It challenges listeners to move beyond mere behavioral modification and to focus on healing their inner selves. By cultivating a deeper understanding of their identities and fostering emotional intelligence, individuals can break free from the chains of infidelity and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships. The episode resonates with the overarching message that true change begins with a decision to confront one's past and to embrace a new identity grounded in faith and self-love.
Takeaways:
- The recurring theme in relationships is the betrayal of love, often masked by false commitments.
- Understanding the psychological roots of infidelity reveals deeper issues related to self-worth and identity.
- Cheating is not merely a sexual act; it signifies a profound spiritual and emotional crisis.
- To break the cycle of betrayal, one must confront past trauma and redefine personal identity in light of faith.
Transcript
You keep saying that you love her, but you keep betraying her.
Speaker A:You swear that it's the last time, but you know that it's a lie.
Speaker A:Today we're exposing the real reasons you can't stop destroying what you claim to treasure.
Speaker A:Let's talk about it.
Speaker A:You just locked into Discipleship Decoded, where we get raw, real and relevant about what it means to follow Christ in a culture that that is absolutely losing its mind.
Speaker A:This ain't about playing church.
Speaker A:We're here to make disciples preach the truth and call out everything that opposes the kingdom of God.
Speaker A:So if you're tired of watered down messages and are ready for some real talk, you're in the right place.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Malden Mitchell.
Speaker A:Now let's get into it.
Speaker A:Hello everyone everywhere, and welcome back to another episode of Discipleship Decoded.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Malden Mitchell, and I'm super excited that you decided to take some time out of your schedule to listen to a few of the words that I have to say.
Speaker A:So let's be real.
Speaker A:You're sitting there claiming to love her while you got another woman's number in your phone.
Speaker A:Bro, you swearing that you are committed while you're sliding in DMS at 2 o' clock in the morning.
Speaker A:You promised you change, but all the while you're planning your next betrayal.
Speaker A:And every time you get caught, you got the same script.
Speaker A:Baby, I'm sorry.
Speaker A:It didn't mean nothing.
Speaker A:You're the only one that I love.
Speaker A:I'll never do it again.
Speaker A:But here's the gut punch truth that's about to shatter every lie you tell yourself, bro.
Speaker A:You don't keep cheating because you don't love her.
Speaker A:You keep cheating because you don't love you.
Speaker A:See, this ain't about being deep.
Speaker A:It's about being delivered from the cycle of self sabotage.
Speaker A:And that's what's destroying your life.
Speaker A:See, bro, you think cheating is about sex, but it's really about self.
Speaker A:You think it's about lust, but it's really about the lies that you tell yourself about who you are.
Speaker A:You think it's about temptation, but it's really about trauma that you never dealt with.
Speaker A:You think it's about weakness, but it's really about warfare that is happening in your soul.
Speaker A:So the other day while I was preparing for this, I ran across this article and it says that according to recent studies, 60% of married men admit to cheating at least once.
Speaker A:But here's what the studies don't tell you.
Speaker A:90% of those men said they loved their wives.
Speaker A:When they cheated, 85% said that they felt guilty while they were doing it.
Speaker A:And 75% said that they planned to stop after the first time.
Speaker A:But they didn't stop because they never address the root of the problem.
Speaker A:You've been treating the symptom instead of the sickness.
Speaker A:Family.
Speaker A:You've been managing the behavior instead of dealing with the brokenness.
Speaker A:And you've been trying to control your actions without actually changing your identity.
Speaker A:And here's what you don't understand.
Speaker A:Cheating is not just a moral failure.
Speaker A:It is a spiritual crisis.
Speaker A:It ain't just another relationship problem.
Speaker A:It is an identity problem.
Speaker A:It ain't just a flesh issue, but it's actually a father wound.
Speaker A:And so you keep cheating because you don't know.
Speaker A:You don't know who you are, whose you are and why you matter.
Speaker A:You keep sabotaging what you claim to love because deep down inside, if you be honest, you don't believe that you deserve to be loved.
Speaker A:You keep destroying good relationships because you're convinced that you are not a good man.
Speaker A:But today, we're about to expose the real reasons behind your betrayal and give you kingdom strategies to break the cycle once and for all.
Speaker A:Now, I know that hit deep, and we're really just getting started.
Speaker A:But before we we dive into what God says about this mess, let me tell you about something amazing that is going to revolutionize how you handle temptation.
Speaker A:Don't touch that dial because we'll be right back.
Speaker B:Everybody talks about leveling up.
Speaker B:Nobody tells you the truth.
Speaker B:You can't change your life until you let God change you.
Speaker B:This is Discipleship Decoding, where we strip off the fake, expose the real, and build men who don't just talk faith, they walk it.
Speaker B:No hype, no fluff, just straight kingdom.
Speaker B:So if you're tired of cycles, tired of surface level sermons, and you're ready for something raw and real, hit follow right now.
Speaker B:Let's lock in, let's grow Discipleship Decoded let's move.
Speaker C:When I think about his grace, his freedom Something like a woman brave I'm grateful for the loving that you gave it's so amazing no matter who we are we know you never change.
Speaker A:I'm.
Speaker C:In awe of how you.
Speaker A:Yo, yo, yo.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Discipleship Decoded.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Malden Mitchell, and if you're just joining us, we're talking about the real reasons why you keep cheating.
Speaker A:Even when you swear to love her.
Speaker A:Now you heard me break down the psychology but it's time to see what the word of God has to say.
Speaker A:Because when God speaks, everything else is just noise.
Speaker A:So let's go.
Speaker A:So listen to what David said in Psalm 51, verses 3 through 4, after he got caught cheating.
Speaker A:For I am conscious of my rebellion, and my sin is always before me.
Speaker A:Against you, you alone have I sinned and done this evil in your sight.
Speaker A:So our boy David realized that when he cheated with Bathsheba that he wasn't just betraying her, he was actually betraying God.
Speaker A:And so every time you cheat, you're not just breaking your woman's heart, but you're breaking God's heart.
Speaker A:Proverbs, chapter 6, verse 32 cuts deeper.
Speaker A:It says that the one who commits adultery lacks sense, and whoever does so destroys himself.
Speaker A:Not just destroys his relationship, not just his reputation, but destroys himself.
Speaker A:The word destroy in Hebrew is cat, which means to corrupt, to ruin, to bring to nothing.
Speaker A:My brother, every time you cheat, you are not just hurting her, you're corrupting yourself, ruining your own soul, bringing your identity to nothing.
Speaker A:First Corinthians, chapter 6, verse 18 seals the deal.
Speaker A:It says, flee from sexual immorality.
Speaker A:And every other sin a person commits is outside the body.
Speaker A:But the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Speaker A:And so sexual sin just doesn't affect your relationship, man.
Speaker A:It affects your soul.
Speaker A:It don't just damage your reputation, but it damages your identity.
Speaker A:The word flee in the Greek is fuego, which means to run away, to escape, to avoid at all costs.
Speaker A:But the truth be told, bro, you ain't fleeing, you're flirting.
Speaker A:You ain't escaping, but what you're actually doing is you're entertaining.
Speaker A:You ain't avoiding, but you're approaching.
Speaker A:Ephesians 5:3 brings fire, it says, but the sexual sexually immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be named among you, as is proper for the saints.
Speaker A:Did you hear what I'm saying, fam?
Speaker A:It shouldn't even be named.
Speaker A:Not just I don't do it, but don't even talk about it.
Speaker A:Don't even think about it, don't even entertain it.
Speaker A:But you got it on your phone.
Speaker A:You got it in your mind, you got it in your plans, you got it deep in your heart.
Speaker A:And so the Bible doesn't whisper, so why should you?
Speaker A:God's standard ain't try not to cheat.
Speaker A:God's standard is don't even think about cheating.
Speaker A:But you've been living beneath the standard, beneath your calling behind your identity.
Speaker A:So check this out.
Speaker A:I knew this brother, let's call him Marcus.
Speaker A:Marcus was a phenomenal dude on paper.
Speaker A:He had a successful career, beautiful wife, two kids, nice house.
Speaker A:Dude was even active in the church.
Speaker A:But Marcus had a secret.
Speaker A:For five years, he had been living a double life.
Speaker A:He loved his wife, genuinely loved her, would do anything for her, provided for her, protected her, praised her to others.
Speaker A:But he couldn't stop betraying her.
Speaker A:See, it started with this so called innocent flirting at work.
Speaker A:And then it became text messages after hours.
Speaker A:Then it became lunch meetings that turned into hotel rooms.
Speaker A:And so every time, Marcus would tell himself, this is the last time.
Speaker A:I'm done with this, I love my wife, I'm going to stop.
Speaker A:But he never stopped.
Speaker A:And the guilt was eating him alive.
Speaker A:The lies were multiplying and the deception was deepening.
Speaker A:And so Marcus couldn't understand why he kept doing it and why he kept doing what he hated doing and why he kept destroying what he claimed to treasure and why he kept sabotaging the best thing in his life.
Speaker A:And then one day, his wife found out.
Speaker A:I mean, absolutely everything.
Speaker A:The affairs, the lies, the double life, the betrayal.
Speaker A:And man, as you can imagine, she was absolutely devastated.
Speaker A:The kids were confused, the marriage was over.
Speaker A:His reputation was ruined.
Speaker A:But in that moment of complete destruction, Marcus finally got honest about the real problem.
Speaker A:It wasn't about sex.
Speaker A:It was about significance.
Speaker A:It wasn't about lust.
Speaker A:It was about the love that he never felt from his father.
Speaker A:It wasn't about temptation, but it was about the trauma from childhood abuse that made him feel absolutely worthless.
Speaker A:And so Marcus realized that he kept cheating because deep down inside he believed that he was a piece of trash.
Speaker A:And trash people do trashy things.
Speaker A:I mean, he kept sabotaging his marriage because he didn't deserve the love that he was getting from his marriage.
Speaker A:At least he felt that way.
Speaker A:He kept betraying his wife because he was convinced that she would leave him anyway, so he might as well hurt her first.
Speaker A:I say this all the time.
Speaker A:People who have wounds and that are bleeding, they tend to bleed on other people who are relatively innocent in terms of what they went through or the trauma that they experienced.
Speaker A:And so that day, Marcus stopped trying to manage his behavior and started dealing with his broken identity.
Speaker A:That brother stopped asking, how do I stop cheating?
Speaker A:And started asking, who am I in Christ?
Speaker A:He stopped focusing on sexual purity and started focusing on spiritual identity.
Speaker A:And you know what happened when Marcus discovered his true identity as a son of God, beloved by the father, chosen for purpose and called to greatness.
Speaker A:His desire to cheat just didn't get managed.
Speaker A:But it Got destroyed because the sons of the King don't act like slaves.
Speaker A:Beloved children don't act like orphans.
Speaker A:And chosen men don't act like rejects.
Speaker A:See, our boy Marcus learned that identity determines behavior and family.
Speaker A:When you know who you are, you know how to act.
Speaker A:And when you know whose you are, you'll know what you're worth.
Speaker A:And when you know why you matter, you'll know how to love.
Speaker A:Marcus story hit you right in the chest, didn't it?
Speaker A:Because you see yourself in his struggle.
Speaker A:You feel his pain.
Speaker A:You know his cycle.
Speaker A:But here's the thing.
Speaker A:Marcus's breakthrough didn't come by standing still.
Speaker A:It came through when he stopped making excuses and started facing the truth.
Speaker A:And that's what we're about to do right now.
Speaker A:We're about to strip away every lie, every excuse and every justification and get to the raw truth about why you keep destroying what you love.
Speaker A:This is about to get uncomfortable.
Speaker A:But necessary.
Speaker A:Stay with me.
Speaker D:Let me talk to the men real quick.
Speaker D:We were taught to suffer in silence.
Speaker D:To smile on the outside, while broken, addicted, angry, and empty on the inside.
Speaker D:We were told, be strong, but nobody showed us how.
Speaker D:That's why I built the huddle.
Speaker D:A place where men can be real, be raw, and still be respected.
Speaker D:No judgment, no fake masks, no weak circles, just real brotherhood.
Speaker D:Men sharpening men.
Speaker D:Men walking into the purpose God designed.
Speaker D:If you're tired of carrying it alone, if you're done pretending, reach out now.
Speaker D:Join an authentic community of brothers who will call you higher, hold you down, and help you become unshakable.
Speaker D:This is the huddle.
Speaker D:Let's lock arms.
Speaker D:Let's.
Speaker C:I don't like to see you crying on your pillow.
Speaker C:Never wanted you to feel like I'm not there.
Speaker C:But I know that in this life, you will have trouble.
Speaker C:I just want to let you know that I'm still.
Speaker C:You see how I take care of the sparrow?
Speaker A:We back discipleship decoded, and we're about to go deep.
Speaker A:Look, you heard psychology.
Speaker A:You've heard what God says.
Speaker A:You've heard Marcus's story.
Speaker A:But now it's time for the mirror.
Speaker A:It's time to face the real reasons you keep cheating.
Speaker A:And I'm warning you, this is about to get personal, and this is about to get uncomfortable.
Speaker A:This is about to expose every lie that you tell yourself.
Speaker A:But if you want freedom, you gotta face truth.
Speaker A:So buckle up, because here we go.
Speaker A:You already know what it is.
Speaker A:You've been lying to yourself about why you cheat.
Speaker A:You've been blaming temptation when it's really trauma, Lust.
Speaker A:When it's really lies that you believe about yourself, weaknesses.
Speaker A:When it's really warfare happening in your soul.
Speaker A:So let me ask you some hard questions, and I want you to be brutally honest.
Speaker A:When you cheat, what are you really looking for?
Speaker A:Is it just sex or is it significance?
Speaker A:Is it just pleasure or is it validation?
Speaker A:Is it just lust?
Speaker A:Or is it that love that you never felt when you with another woman?
Speaker A:What does it make you feel like?
Speaker A:Does it make you feel powerful?
Speaker A:Wanted?
Speaker A:Valuable?
Speaker A:Or maybe alive?
Speaker A:And when it's over, how do you feel?
Speaker A:Empty.
Speaker A:Guilty.
Speaker A:Ashamed.
Speaker A:Possibly disgusted.
Speaker A:So here's what's really happening.
Speaker A:You're using other women to fill a void that only God can feel.
Speaker A:I mean, you're seeking validation, man, from strangers because you never got it from your father.
Speaker A:You're looking for significance and secret places because you don't believe that you have value in the light, bro.
Speaker A:You've been chasing temporary highs to escape permanent pain that you never dealt with.
Speaker A:And let me tell you, the reason you keep cheating is father wounds, man.
Speaker A:You never had a father who affirmed your worth, validated your value, and confirmed your calling.
Speaker A:And so now you're looking for approval from women, validation from strangers, and significance from sex.
Speaker A:The next reason is you got an identity crisis, bruh.
Speaker A:You don't know who you are, whose you are, and why you matter.
Speaker A:So you're trying to find yourself in other people's bodies, other people's attention, other people's approval.
Speaker A:Next is emotional immaturity, like you never learn how to process your emotions and communicate your needs and how to handle your pain.
Speaker A:So when life gets hard and when marriage gets difficult, and when the pressures get intense, you run to what's easy.
Speaker A:The next is spiritual warfare, brothers.
Speaker A:The enemy knows your weaknesses.
Speaker A:He knows your triggers.
Speaker A:He knows your patterns.
Speaker A:And he's using your past to destroy your future, your pain to sabotage your purpose, and your wounds to wreck your witness.
Speaker A:And sometimes, let's be honest, we get bored and we get this sense of entitlement.
Speaker A:See, man, you got comfortable in your relationship, entitled in your thinking, and bored with your blessing, that is your wife, that is.
Speaker A:So you started lock start looking for excitement everywhere, looking for adventure outside of the novelty in new places.
Speaker A:But here's the truth that you need to hear.
Speaker A:None of these reasons are excuses.
Speaker A:So understanding why you cheat don't give you permission to keep on cheating.
Speaker A:Knowing the root of your problem means that you got no excuse for not dealing with the root of your problem.
Speaker A:You can't keep saying I can't help it, bruh.
Speaker A:I'm just weak, bro.
Speaker A:I'm just a man.
Speaker A:I'm just struggling.
Speaker A:No, man.
Speaker A:You're a son of the most high God, created in his image, called to his purpose, equipped with his power.
Speaker A:You got the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead living inside of you.
Speaker A:But you're acting like you're powerless against temptation.
Speaker A:Man, you got access to the throne of grace, but you out here acting like you got no help.
Speaker A:You got the word of God as your weapon, but you acting like you defenseless.
Speaker A:Come on, man.
Speaker A:Stop making excuses and start making changes.
Speaker A:Stop blaming your past and start building your future.
Speaker A:And for heaven's sake, stop focusing on your weaknesses and start walking in your power.
Speaker A:Because the same God who delivered David from his adultery, who delivered Solomon from his sexual addiction, who delivered Paul from his past, is the same God who can deliver you from your cycle of betrayal.
Speaker A:But you got to stop managing the behavior and.
Speaker A:And start changing the identity.
Speaker A:You got to stop controlling the symptoms and start curing the sickness.
Speaker A:You got to stop fighting the temptation and start fixing the foundation.
Speaker A:And here's what you got to understand.
Speaker A:Freedom ain't about fighting temptation.
Speaker A:Freedom is about fixing your foundation.
Speaker A:You can't behavior modify your way out of this, out of an identity crisis.
Speaker A:And you can't willpower your way out of father wounds.
Speaker A:And you can't discipline your way out of spiritual warfare.
Speaker A:See, the solution ain't more accountability, more restrictions, more rules.
Speaker A:The solution is new identity, new foundation, new understanding of who you are.
Speaker A:Here's your kingdom strategy to break this cycle forever.
Speaker A:Step number one.
Speaker A:Face the father wound.
Speaker A:You gotta deal with your pain from the past, the rejection you felt, the love that you never received.
Speaker A:Bro, stop pretending that it don't affect you and stop acting like you got over it.
Speaker A:And stop lying about being fine.
Speaker A:And take the mask off.
Speaker A:Get some counseling.
Speaker A:Get prayer.
Speaker A:Get healing for the little boy inside of you who's still looking for daddy's approval.
Speaker A:Step number two.
Speaker A:Discover your identity.
Speaker A:You are not what you've done, and you're not what you was, but you are who God says you are.
Speaker A:You are the son of the most high God.
Speaker A:Beloved, chosen, called equipped, empowered.
Speaker A:And you got to start speaking your identity daily.
Speaker A:I am loved by God.
Speaker A:I am chosen for a purpose.
Speaker A:I am equipped with power.
Speaker A:Step number three.
Speaker A:Build.
Speaker A:Build emotional maturity.
Speaker A:We, as men, we tend to sweep things under the rug, but we got to learn how to process your emotions, communicate your needs, handle your pain without running to another woman.
Speaker A:And when you feel Rejected.
Speaker A:Go to God, man, not another woman.
Speaker A:And when you feel unappreciated, communicate with your wife.
Speaker A:Don't cheat on your wife.
Speaker A:And when you feel overwhelmed, get help.
Speaker A:But don't get distracted.
Speaker A:See, the enemy is real.
Speaker A:His attacks are strategic, and his goal is your destruction.
Speaker A:So you got to put on the armor of God daily.
Speaker A:You got to pray without ceasing, fast, regularly read the Word consistently.
Speaker A:And so when temptation comes, don't negotiate with it.
Speaker A:Don't hesitate.
Speaker A:But you got to activate your spiritual weapons.
Speaker A:Stop being bored with your blessing, man, as I'm preaching to you, I preach to myself.
Speaker A:Stop taking your wife for granted.
Speaker A:Stop looking for excitement in the wrong places, and find your purpose.
Speaker A:Find and pursue your calling and focus on your mission.
Speaker A:And when you're walking in purpose, you don't have time for foolishness.
Speaker A:When you're focused on your calling, you don't get distracted by temptation.
Speaker A:And when you're living your mission, you don't sabotage your blessing.
Speaker A:So listen, freedom is possible.
Speaker A:Breakthrough is available, and change is achievable.
Speaker A:But, man, it starts with a decision.
Speaker A:A decision to stop making excuses, A decision to face the truth and a decision to just do the work.
Speaker A:You can keep on living in the same cycle, making the same mistakes, hurting the same people and destroying the same relationships.
Speaker A:Or you can make today the day that everything changes.
Speaker A:The choice is yours.
Speaker A:Family, the power is available and the help is here.
Speaker A:But you got to choose freedom over bondage, truth over lies, and healing over hurting.
Speaker A:Stop saying, man, that you love her while you're betraying her.
Speaker A:But start proving you love her by protecting her, honoring her, and cherishing her.
Speaker A:Stop saying that you're a good man while doing bad things.
Speaker A:Start being the man of God that He called you to be.
Speaker A:Your wife deserves better.
Speaker A:Your kids deserve better.
Speaker A:And you deserve better.
Speaker A:But better starts with a decision.
Speaker A:Better starts with the truth.
Speaker A:And better starts with action.
Speaker A:This is discipleship Decoded.
Speaker A:I'm your host, Malden Mitchell.
Speaker A:And remember, you are not what you've done.
Speaker A:You are who God says you are.
Speaker A:Walk in that truth.
Speaker A:Live in that power, and live from a place of peace.
Speaker A:Until next time, stay strong, stay faithful, and stay free.
Speaker A:That's it for today, my kings.
Speaker A:If this hits you, don't just keep moving.
Speaker A:Subscribe right now and spread the word.
Speaker A:Somebody out there is fighting silent battles and discipleship Decoded might be the spark that flips the switch in their life.
Speaker A:We're not just talking.
Speaker A:We're building men who live this for real.
Speaker A:So hit subscribe share with your circle.
Speaker A:And let's multiply this movement until next time.
Speaker A:Keep standing.
Speaker A:Keep growing.
Speaker A:And whatever you do, don't go back to the person you used to be.
Speaker A:This is discipleship decoded.
Speaker A:And I'll see you on the next one.
